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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
Apologies to anyone that suffers from hearing loss :-
Two young deaf guys go for a night out in Blackpool, they go to a waterfront establishment and the first guy says to his mate * Sit here I will get the beers in I am better at lip reading than you (using sign language) He goes to the bar and orders two pints, *That will be £14 please* said the barman *!!! £14 for two pints!* * No sir that £5 for each pint and £2 each for the music and points to a guy playing a guitar on stage* * I am deaf and so is my mate we can't hear the music!* * Sorry sir everyone has to pay its the entertainment charge* *What I supposed to be listening to anyway?* he said, * Is it rock and Roll?* No* *Is it soul?* *No* Is it reggae? * * No* Is it classical?* *No* * Well what is it?* *Its county and western* He says, The deaf guy takes the pints and goes back to his mate, * Drink up after this we are leaving* * Why?* said his mate * Its to bloody dear in here, its £14 for two pints!!!* *£14 how come its so much?* * We have to pay for the music* and points to the guitar player on stage * Did you tell him we were deaf?* *Yes but i still had to pay* * Ok but what are we listening to?* * Is it rock and roll?* *No* *Is it soul?* *No* *Is it reggae?* *No* *Is it classical?* No* *Well what is it?* * Barman says its some c8nt from Preston*
Two young deaf guys go for a night out in Blackpool, they go to a waterfront establishment and the first guy says to his mate * Sit here I will get the beers in I am better at lip reading than you (using sign language) He goes to the bar and orders two pints, *That will be £14 please* said the barman *!!! £14 for two pints!* * No sir that £5 for each pint and £2 each for the music and points to a guy playing a guitar on stage* * I am deaf and so is my mate we can't hear the music!* * Sorry sir everyone has to pay its the entertainment charge* *What I supposed to be listening to anyway?* he said, * Is it rock and Roll?* No* *Is it soul?* *No* Is it reggae? * * No* Is it classical?* *No* * Well what is it?* *Its county and western* He says, The deaf guy takes the pints and goes back to his mate, * Drink up after this we are leaving* * Why?* said his mate * Its to bloody dear in here, its £14 for two pints!!!* *£14 how come its so much?* * We have to pay for the music* and points to the guitar player on stage * Did you tell him we were deaf?* *Yes but i still had to pay* * Ok but what are we listening to?* * Is it rock and roll?* *No* *Is it soul?* *No* *Is it reggae?* *No* *Is it classical?* No* *Well what is it?* * Barman says its some c8nt from Preston*
COWBOY at the PEARLY GATES.......
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
Well I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
Well I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
Young Couple needing time alone from their 8 year old son in the flat.
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8 year-old son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
‘There’s a car being towed from the car park,’ he shouted.
‘An ambulance just drove past’
‘Looks like the Andersons have visitors,’ he called out.
‘Matt’s riding a new bike!’
‘Looks like the Sanders are moving!’
‘Jason is on his skateboard!
After a few moments he announced, ‘The Coopers are having a shag!
Startled , his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, ‘How do you know that?’
‘Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.’
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8 year-old son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
‘There’s a car being towed from the car park,’ he shouted.
‘An ambulance just drove past’
‘Looks like the Andersons have visitors,’ he called out.
‘Matt’s riding a new bike!’
‘Looks like the Sanders are moving!’
‘Jason is on his skateboard!
After a few moments he announced, ‘The Coopers are having a shag!
Startled , his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out, ‘How do you know that?’
‘Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.’
