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Daily Smile thread

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
At the local Hospital :
Doctor, “What is this?"
Me “This is a book that I’ve written, it’s got 500 pages."
Doctor, “You wrote 500 pages. What did you write about then?” Me, On the first page I wrote “One day a King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page I wrote The King reached the Jungle."
Doctor, “So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
Me, “I wrote,
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdi
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik
tigdik...
Doctor, (stunned) "AND what's all that????!!!!!"
Me, “That's the sound of the Horse running...The hooves digging the terrain."
Doctor- "AND Who will read your story?"
“I will post it on Bird My mad friends there will definitely read it...they're all idiots, in fact one of them is reading it even as I speak!”
 

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
"Sarcasm won't get you anywhere!"
Me: "It got me to the sarcasm world championship in Peru in 1998"
"Really?"
"No"
 

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
Just read a book “100 things to do before you die” can’t believe call an ambulance wasn’t one of them.
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him."
They might as well just say, "He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it!"

Women are like cow pats .the older they are .the easier they are to pick up

Police Officers on the late shift get paid copper nitrate!!

"I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM ANYBODY"
Which is why I lost my last job as a waiter!!

I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"

I ran over an old lady's cat.
I said "Can I replace it?"
She replied "I don't know , how good are you at catching mice?"

My wife is in a bad mood
Someone stole her new pair of knickers off the washing line
She's not worried about the knickers
She just wants the 12 pegs back !

I will never forget the day I got married
I've tried everything drugs alcohol even hypnosis

I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.
So far I've got 5,000 signatures!

I went to Specsavers the other day and you would never guess who I bumped into?
Everyone.
 
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