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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're
barefoot..
'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
'OLD' IS WHEN.....
You are not sure these are jokes
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're
barefoot..
'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
'OLD' IS WHEN.....
You are not sure these are jokes
Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman he is charged with sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its a £2.50/min charge (charges may vary).
Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's useless at snooker.
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then ignore it. It’s only Spam.
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
The local corner shop ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather, fortunately, my elderly neighbour Doreen has plenty stacked up on her doorstep.
News flashes:
A man has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it’s definitely race related.
Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.
The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's useless at snooker.
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then ignore it. It’s only Spam.
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
The local corner shop ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather, fortunately, my elderly neighbour Doreen has plenty stacked up on her doorstep.
News flashes:
A man has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it’s definitely race related.
Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.
The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
After last night’s game you should call him xhaka or Lacazette or David Luiz.
Wasn’t aware that she’d ever played for Arsenal.Surprised you didn't have Margaret Thatcher in your list!
A bit of advice for any Office managers, keep your sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer, that way when she bends down to get one you’ll get a cracking view of her arse.
