1. Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
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Daily Smile thread

Discussion in 'Coffee Shop' started by Jaws, Aug 8, 2017.

  1. T.C

    T.C Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

    Slapping.jpg
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Great stuff ! Great stuff ! x 2
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  2. Jaws

    Jaws Corporal CockUp Staff Member Moderator

  3. Malone

    Malone Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

    I don’t see policemen armed with truncheons these days - what do they use to beat a confession out of witnesses? Just curious. :risas3:
     
  4. Squag1

    Squag1 Can't remember.... Club Sponsor

  5. T.C

    T.C Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

    I think I will give that one a miss thanks (y)

    Well even back in the day they weren't much good. My original was made of Balsa wood. I hit someone and it broke in half (and no, I am not joking), then I went on bikes and we got issued with lead filled leather cased truncheons but I always prefered to hit someone with my bardic torch.

    Now of course, they use extendable batons.
     
  6. Nige F

    Nige F Old Hand Club Sponsor

    Maglites were better
     
  7. ogr1

    ogr1 Sex Engineer Club Sponsor

    Led lenser torch..T7, small but a mighty little beast.
     
  8. Cougar377

    Cougar377 Express elevator to hell Club Sponsor

    Taser to the bollox.:confused:
     
  9. Cougar377

    Cougar377 Express elevator to hell Club Sponsor

    Pervert.
     
  10. Quiney

    Quiney Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

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  11. andyBeaker

    andyBeaker Moderator Staff Member Moderator Club Sponsor

    My dad was chasing a burglar across Clapham Common and threw his truncheon at him....said scrote went down like a ton of bricks was knocked temporarily unconscious.

    Imagine how that would be treated in the media today.
     
  12. ogr1

    ogr1 Sex Engineer Club Sponsor

    Only when it's fully charged.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  13. Jaws

    Jaws Corporal CockUp Staff Member Moderator

    There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. One day he finds a theatre where they are willing to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practising his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and, with great passion, delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming: "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?" "No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
     
  14. T.C

    T.C Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

    Maglites were after my time.

    Bardics were standard issue on Traffic because we could quickly change the colour of the lens...

    Red, Green, Blue as well as white.

    The only time it did not do the job as intended was when a colleague was in pursuit of a vehicle. I got ahead (this was pre stinger days) and as tge bandit vehicle came towards me, I thought I would through my bardic (they were quite weighty) at the windscreen assuming it would shatter the screen and vehicle would stop.

    Next thing I remember is ducking to avoid being hit myself by said bardic as it bounced clean off the windscreen and came back in the direction of which it had been throwing missing my right ear by inches :oops::eek:

    Windscreen remained in tact and was eventually stopped a few miles further down the road.

    Lesson was learnt on my part. Don't throw your torch at a windscreen, it don't work.....

    Sorry, wrong section for this I know....:oops:
     
    • Like Like x 3
  15. Jaws

    Jaws Corporal CockUp Staff Member Moderator

    Still entertaining though !
     
  16. slim63

    slim63 Never surrender Club Sponsor

    A full copy of PACE might work :D
     
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  17. T.C

    T.C Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

    Abbott Vets.jpg
     
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  18. T.C

    T.C Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

    Dildo wins.jpg
     
    • Informative Informative x 2
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  19. T.C

    T.C Been there, and had one Club Sponsor

    Free.jpg
     
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  20. Jaws

    Jaws Corporal CockUp Staff Member Moderator

    My girlfriend said, "Pssst."....I said, "What?"

    She said, "Psssssst."...I said, "What?"

    She said, "Psssssssssssst."....I said, "What?!"



    Then I realised she was punctured. ...
     
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