• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
Got 3 points on license for undertaking on the M56. Running late yesterday and so I opted to use the motorway I joined just before they closed the slip road to allow a royal motorcade with Prince Charles and Camilla in heading to Chester...they were traveling along under police protection but so bloody slow.... They were doing 48 in lane three.. I waited and waited hoping they would move over. . Hoping they would speed up. But they didn't. I got impatient and used lane 1 to pass them at 56 Stopped by lead police motorcade biker. He told me off and wrote me a ticket. I asked, "why?" He said it's because I saw you "pass the duchy on the left-hand side."
 

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
I know a choir boy who was chased round the church by the priest, he was caught by the organ.
 

Malone

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
The Catholic Church doesn’t allow the use of condoms as they've never yet had a pregnant choir boy
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
BRITISH WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit. Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant. Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs. Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring. 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex. 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

JEWISH WOMEN First Date: You get terrific head. Second Date: You get even more great head. Third Date: You tell her you’ll marry her, and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens. Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you’ve already realized nothing is ever Going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN First date: Meet her parents. Second date: Set the date of the wedding. Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car. Second Date: She’s pregnant. Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana Strip.

ARAB WOMEN First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab Community finds out. Second Date: You are shot dead. No third date.
 
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