What do we want?
A cure for obesity.
When do we want it?
After dinner.
A cure for obesity.
When do we want it?
After dinner.
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Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )
Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
UK to EU: "So, we have voted to leave" EU to UK: "That's a shame, OK what's your proposals?" UK to EU: "We don't have any, we are leaving." EU to UK: "Yes, but what about the Good Friday Agreement and the Northern Irish border?" UK to EU: "Eh?" EU to UK: "It's an international treaty you signed, remember? Look, tell you what why doesn't NI stay in the Customs Union, job done." UK to EU: "NEVER! You are not splitting the UK up." EU to UK: "OK what do you propose?" UK to EU: "Why are you being intransigent?" EU to UK: "What? OK look, we need to sort this and you haven’t proposed anything, what about the whole of the UK staying in the Customs Union?" UK to EU: "NEVER! EU to UK: "FFS what then? This is your mess, tell us what you actually want." UK to EU: "Why are you being intransigent?" EU to UK: "Will you please just tell us what you want." UK to EU: "OK if you're going to be like that, we want a backstop added to the Withdrawal Agreement. EU to UK: "Finally, yes OK, thats fine, but remember this is your idea, shall we sign the Withdrawal Agreement off? Once we have done this we cannot reopen it in the time left." UK to EU: "Yes, sign it off." EU to UK: "Done." UK to EU: "Ummm we couldn’t get it through parliament so we need to reopen the withdrawal agreement and change the backstop." EU to UK: "We said we wouldn’t do that, but OK we might be able to do something, we are listening, what do you want to change it to?" UK to EU: "Alternative arrangements." EU to UK: "What?" UK to EU: "Alternative arrangements." EU to UK: "What the actual fuck is that?" UK to EU: "Don't know, just something different." EU to UK: "Look, the backstop was your idea, we reluctantly agreed, now you don't want it anymore and instead want it changed to something that doesn’t exist." UK to EU: "Why are you being so intransigent?" EU to UK: "It literally does not exist, what don't you understand about that?" UK to EU: "Stop bullying us. OK, how about having a backstop that isn’t a backstop?" EU to UK: "Oh fuck the fuck off you absolute idiots!" Theresa May to UK general public: "The EU are being intransigent. This is not our fault, its all theirs."
Yes Ian, and another one as well.
ianrobbo1
good looking AND modest
And may I ask why ??
Quiney
Registered User
One Monday morning the postman was walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Craig, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.'Wow Craig , looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman commented. Craig, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?'The Postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet.
Then the women try to guess who it is..' The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.
' 'Probably a good thing you did,' Craig responded, 'Your name came up seven times.'
Then the women try to guess who it is..' The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.
' 'Probably a good thing you did,' Craig responded, 'Your name came up seven times.'
Quiney
Registered User
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him:
“I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year.” said the shrink.“Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.
I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the **** legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion. . . .
So I went to a shrink and told him:
“I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year.” said the shrink.“Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.
I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the **** legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion. . . .
Now THAT is very fanny.. errr I mean funny !
My Grandfather was responsible for bringing down 150 German planes during the war, probably the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.