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Best sweets

Discussion in 'Coffee Shop' started by andyBeaker, Oct 9, 2019.

  1. Pow-Lo

    Pow-Lo I am Grasshopper! Club Sponsor

    Quite simple. The two main ingredients are extra virgin coconut oil and natural peanut butter. You can use any amount (weight) that you want, just have the ratio at about 34% coconut oil and 66% peanut butter. Depending on personal taste, you might need a dash of something to sweeten it up a bit. I use honey or stevia. I also add some chocolate protein powder to ramp up the protein content and to hit my chocolate fix but that’s personal preference. If you want a chocolate hit then you can add any chocolate powder but it’s not necessary.

    Make sure your peanut butter is proper, all natural stuff. Look at the label and you want at least 97% peanuts in the ingredients. Walk away from Sun Pat, Skippy’s, Planters etc. as they’re full of sugar and palm oil. Shite! This is the second best one out there:


    The best is Adams, but very difficult to find over here. As for coconut oil, I get mine here:


    And this’ll do you for protein powder, natural chocolate flavour works best for me:


    1. Coconut oil is solid from about 23 degrees C and below. Scoop it into a bowl and use your microwave for short bursts until it turns to liquid, or at least very soft and gooey.

    2. Prepare a shallow baking tin and stick it to one side. I stick a couple of sheets of grease proof paper in as it’s easier to get the goodies out, but that’s personal preference.

    3. Have your tub of PB ready and give it a good stir until the oil is mixed into the main substance. That’s the only problem with proper peanut butter, the peanut oil sits at the top after it’s been in storage for a while.

    4. Dump the required amount into a mixing bowl and then add your gooey coconut oil and stir it to an even mix. You might need to dump the mix into the microwave for a 30 second burst if your kitchen is on the cold side.

    5. Taste the mixture and decide if you want to make it sweeter or not. If honey is your choice of sweetener, melt it in the same way as the coconut oil and stir that in the mix. If you use stevia, only use a tiny amount.

    6. If you’re thinking of adding protein powder, I use about 30g in a mix of 450g peanut butter and 250g coconut oil. I’ve never used normal cocoa powder so wouldn’t know how much. Try adding a bit, see what it tastes like and add more if required.

    7. Once your all mixed and ready to go, maybe pop in microwave for 30 seconds or so just to soften it. Again, depends on how warm your kitchen is.

    8. Next, dump the mix into your baking tray and spread it around until it’s reasonably even and then dump it in the fridge and leave overnight.

    9. Next day, remove from fridge and chop into bite size pieces and fill your boots. If there’s any left, any old tub or bowl will do.

    10. Make a small amount first to get a feel for the taste. Also, mess with the mixtures if you want a bit more coconut flavour or a bit more peanutty taste; there’s no right and wrong here, it’s personal taste but the above worked best for me.

    Now, some words of caution:

    1. This shit is incredibly dense in calories so try not to go bonkers with it otherwise you’ll pile on the timber like Billy-O. I shit you not!

    2. It’s also astonishingly moorish so if you have friends around, don’t put the whole lot on the coffee table.

    3. Whatever you do, when eating this stuff have a sheet of kitchen towel nearby. Hold this stuff in your hand for more than a few seconds and it’ll soften and the oils will (obviously) be all over your wanking spanners. Under no circumstances be tempted to wipe your fingers on your keks, your wife, your dog, your sofa, whatever. Get it on any fabric and it’s near impossible to remove the stains. Lick your fingers clean, wipe with kitchen towel and then wash your hands.

    4. Apologies for sounding like an old woman but these three points come from experience and much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Trust me.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Cougar377

    Cougar377 Express elevator to hell Club Sponsor

    F*ck me.... it's the Galloping Gourmet.....!
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Pow-Lo

    Pow-Lo I am Grasshopper! Club Sponsor

    I forgot to mention one other thing; assuming it hangs around long enough, best store it in fridge.
  4. andyBeaker

    andyBeaker Moderator Staff Member Moderator Club Sponsor

    You too have turned into @derek kelly
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. Cougar377

    Cougar377 Express elevator to hell Club Sponsor

    Pot, kettle, black.
    • Great stuff ! Great stuff ! x 1
  6. andyBeaker

    andyBeaker Moderator Staff Member Moderator Club Sponsor

    Careful, that is the sort of rubbish that @sr71caspar comes out with...and you really don't want to turn into her.
    • Great stuff ! Great stuff ! x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  7. Cougar377

    Cougar377 Express elevator to hell Club Sponsor

    I thought it was subtle and rather amusing, with just a hint of cheeky.

    Normal Sledgehammer Mode© will resume.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. sr71caspar

    sr71caspar B̶a̶n̶n̶e̶d̶ Club Sponsor

    It's the subtle piss taking with a clever double meaning that Beaker doesn't understand.
    Well played, keep it up.
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  9. sr71caspar

    sr71caspar B̶a̶n̶n̶e̶d̶ Club Sponsor

    Everyone aspires to be me.
    • Disagree Disagree x 1
  10. derek kelly

    derek kelly The Deli lama Club Sponsor

    Peanut butter comes from the Devil’s arse.
  11. ogr1

    ogr1 Sex Engineer Club Sponsor

    Is that you?.....Jesus??
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. Pow-Lo

    Pow-Lo I am Grasshopper! Club Sponsor

    No. Just no. It’s beetroot that comes from the devil’s arse. Fact.
  13. Pow-Lo

    Pow-Lo I am Grasshopper! Club Sponsor

    No. This is sweets and sweets are serious and, therefore, required a comprehensive, detailed response.
  14. derek kelly

    derek kelly The Deli lama Club Sponsor

    Beetroot is ace, celery is snot from the Devil’s nose & Earl grey is the Devil’s piss.
    • Great stuff ! Great stuff ! x 1
  15. ogr1

    ogr1 Sex Engineer Club Sponsor

    Do you have a goat phobia too.

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