• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

Malone

Been there, and had one
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I don’t see policemen armed with truncheons these days - what do they use to beat a confession out of witnesses? Just curious. :risas3:
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
You taking the case then T.C. ??

I think I will give that one a miss thanks (y)

I don’t see policemen armed with truncheons these days - what do they use to beat a confession out of witnesses? Just curious. :risas3:

Well even back in the day they weren't much good. My original was made of Balsa wood. I hit someone and it broke in half (and no, I am not joking), then I went on bikes and we got issued with lead filled leather cased truncheons but I always prefered to hit someone with my bardic torch.

Now of course, they use extendable batons.
 

Nige F

.
Club Sponsor
I think I will give that one a miss thanks (y)



Well even back in the day they weren't much good. My original was made of Balsa wood. I hit someone and it broke in half (and no, I am not joking), then I went on bikes and we got issued with lead filled leather cased truncheons but I always prefered to hit someone with my bardic torch.

Now of course, they use extendable batons.

Maglites were better
 

andyBeaker

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
I think I will give that one a miss thanks (y)



Well even back in the day they weren't much good. My original was made of Balsa wood. I hit someone and it broke in half (and no, I am not joking), then I went on bikes and we got issued with lead filled leather cased truncheons but I always prefered to hit someone with my bardic torch.

Now of course, they use extendable batons.
My dad was chasing a burglar across Clapham Common and threw his truncheon at him....said scrote went down like a ton of bricks was knocked temporarily unconscious.

Imagine how that would be treated in the media today.
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
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There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. One day he finds a theatre where they are willing to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practising his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and, with great passion, delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming: "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?" "No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
Maglites were better

Maglites were after my time.

Bardics were standard issue on Traffic because we could quickly change the colour of the lens...

Red, Green, Blue as well as white.

The only time it did not do the job as intended was when a colleague was in pursuit of a vehicle. I got ahead (this was pre stinger days) and as tge bandit vehicle came towards me, I thought I would through my bardic (they were quite weighty) at the windscreen assuming it would shatter the screen and vehicle would stop.

Next thing I remember is ducking to avoid being hit myself by said bardic as it bounced clean off the windscreen and came back in the direction of which it had been throwing missing my right ear by inches :oops::eek:

Windscreen remained in tact and was eventually stopped a few miles further down the road.

Lesson was learnt on my part. Don't throw your torch at a windscreen, it don't work.....

Sorry, wrong section for this I know....:oops:
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
My girlfriend said, "Pssst."....I said, "What?"

She said, "Psssssst."...I said, "What?"

She said, "Psssssssssssst."....I said, "What?!"



Then I realised she was punctured. ...
 
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