Daily Smile thread

Jaws said:

View attachment 46618

Rotherham’s annual classiest woman contest got off to a rip roaring start on Friday after Bianca and Sigourney, both mothers of seven, got into a no holds barred bitch fight over Wayne, a 22 year old Nike tracksuit wearing, Vauxhall Astra driving, absolute tosspot, cocaine dealer from Rawmarsh.
Wayne, who wears a fake Rolex, and can barely put a sentence together and is one faulty brake light away from doing a 4 stretch said “tell you Bruv, dem bitches went strong, I been on dese roads since I was a younger and it was jokes how dey went at it fam ya get me”
A translator from Rotherham councils Jamaican mild-slang department was not available to explain what the fuck the jumped up little skip rat was saying, so we are none the wiser.
Both women were treated at the scene for loss of hair extensions, false eyelashes and Bianca was treated for shock after losing the badge off her Michael Kors bag.
The Advertiser has learnt that the two women have been charged with possession of offensive make-up and wearing ludicrous platforms with intent to endanger life.

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Tempting though.....

I think I'm going to lose my driver's license...
and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"

Me: "A car."

Officer: "Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"

Me: "I have no idea!"

Officer: "So, you're drunk."

Me: "But I didn't drink anything."

Officer: "Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me: "A motorcycle."

Officer: "Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"

Me: "I have no idea!"

Officer: "As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter-question.

Me: "So..., counter-question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"

Officer: "A prostitute of course."

Me: "Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend.

ianrobbo1 said:

https://beterthanwheels.com/?fbclid=IwAR3qNAPPMqm-LIDPT5wDJBTiJzNjBS_aQqugJTXK2PjebjZnTTV-hiHNnLU

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Is someone using your account for spamming Yin ?

Jaws said:

Is someone using your account for spamming Yin ?

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No, John, I put that on entierly for Andrew, I thought he may "appreciate" how some of us are reminded of him when we see such "items" such as these.