• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
Bastards.

I left a Manchester United season ticket on my dashboard, some bastard has broken into my car & left two more.
 

derek kelly

The Deli lama
Club Sponsor
Can’t get an honest tradesman anywhere,

I paid a joiner to make me a double bed & he’s done a bunk.
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year old girl. Now ... I have a £150,000. home, a £35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl, and she would make sure that I would again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older woman great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.

“CASE DISMISSED!!”
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
This is a genuine advert. You couldn't make it up could you?

ID card.jpg
 

Quiney

Registered User
Mick said to his friend Paddy, you know that new pub that has opened in Killybegs.
Well, you get free drinks and can go in the back and have sex.
Paddy said this is hard to believe.
Oh, no said Mick, it is true as my sister told me.
 
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