Daily Smile thread

ianrobbo1 said:

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1. What do you call a hippie’s wife? A Mississippi!
2. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my bill!
3. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
4. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
5. Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!
6. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
7. What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid!
8. What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
9. What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!
10. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
11. Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
12. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
13. Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!
14. I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
15. When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
16. What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!
17. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’ve bagels!
18. What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!
19. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
20. What streets to ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
21. What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
22. What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!
23. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? “Show me the honey!”
24. What do you call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.
25. Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

1. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A steak out!
2. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad!
3. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
4. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!
5. My favorite word is “drool.” It just rolls off the tongue.
6. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
7. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
8. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “Graaaaaaaains!”
9. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
10. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
11. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
12. I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.
13. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? “Oh sheet!”
14. I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
15. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!
16. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
17. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
18. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
19. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
20. It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
21. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? “Robin, get in the car.”
22. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.
23. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!
24. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
25. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!