A pirate is sacked & comes to live on dry land.
He rings the DSS regarding invalidity benefit, an official from DWP interviews him to see if his claim is legit.
"Name?"
"Arrr, that be Jack tarr"
"How did you lose your leg?"
"Arr, y'see I was facing the Spaniards when they sent over a cannon ball & it clean took my leg from the knee down"
"What about your hand?"
Arr, that be when I was facing the French & I sees a cannon ball coming over heading straight for my grog, so I stuck out my hand & deflected it overboard, arr,"
"So how did you lose your eye?"
"Arr well that were a shitehawk caused that"
"Excuse me?"
"Aye, a shitehawk, a seagull, it went & shit in my eye"
"How did that cause you to lose your eye?"
"Well it were my first day with my hook, arr"
He rings the DSS regarding invalidity benefit, an official from DWP interviews him to see if his claim is legit.
"Name?"
"Arrr, that be Jack tarr"
"How did you lose your leg?"
"Arr, y'see I was facing the Spaniards when they sent over a cannon ball & it clean took my leg from the knee down"
"What about your hand?"
Arr, that be when I was facing the French & I sees a cannon ball coming over heading straight for my grog, so I stuck out my hand & deflected it overboard, arr,"
"So how did you lose your eye?"
"Arr well that were a shitehawk caused that"
"Excuse me?"
"Aye, a shitehawk, a seagull, it went & shit in my eye"
"How did that cause you to lose your eye?"
"Well it were my first day with my hook, arr"