• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
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Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Tesco when
they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for
my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young
guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too ...

I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe
I can help you find her... what does she look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes….. is
buxom …... wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your
wife look like?'

To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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I went to the chemist to get some lube.

"We don't have any. Have you tried Boots?"

I want to glide in, not fucking march in!
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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Airbnb conversations...

"Gosh, you came all the way from Australia to tour Europe by yourself?"

"No, my mum came with me"

Erm

"She's in this Urn....."
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
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A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to getaway from the evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "'Yep, sure do.
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one
word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound,
horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
Club Sponsor
Preacher started his sermon in a haunted village.
"I understand that you all have been terrorised by the unseen" he started.
"Have any of you talked to a ghost" all silence.
"Have any of you seen a ghost in the streets" all silence
"Have any of you seen a ghost in your house" all silence
On a roll here the preacher goes on
"Have any of you made love to a ghost"
Old Mike from the back puts up his hand and shouts "Yes"
The preacher says "Mike you expect us to believe you made love to a spector, a spirit, a ghost"
"Sorry" says Mike "thought you said goat"
 
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