Daily Smile thread

Discussion in 'Coffee Shop' started by Jaws, Aug 8, 2017.

  1. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

    The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
     
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  2. ianrobbo1

    ianrobbo1 good looking AND modest Club Sponsor

  3. ianrobbo1

    ianrobbo1 good looking AND modest Club Sponsor

  4. andybirdless

    andybirdless Moderator Staff Member Moderator Club Sponsor

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  5. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

    The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”

    The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

    Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

    The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

    The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.

    The Angel immediately said: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”

    Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”

    "Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
     
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  6. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    Therapist.jpg
     
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  7. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

  8. ianrobbo1

    ianrobbo1 good looking AND modest Club Sponsor

  9. ianrobbo1

    ianrobbo1 good looking AND modest Club Sponsor

  10. Squag1

    Squag1 Old Hand Club Sponsor

    Wife issues
     
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  11. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    Library.jpg
     
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  12. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    Crash.jpg
     
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  13. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    Recognise any similaraties? As soon as I saw it I thought of this

    Ronaldo.jpg Ronaldo 2.jpg
     
  14. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

  15. ianrobbo1

    ianrobbo1 good looking AND modest Club Sponsor

    man-bun-the-way-of-showing-the-world-youre-a-19667047.png what-comesafter-the-man-bund-and-the-idiot-award-goes-14742925.png
     
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  16. ianrobbo1

    ianrobbo1 good looking AND modest Club Sponsor

  17. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    What do you call a German man during the knockout stages of the World Cup?

    A referee.
     
  18. Quiney

    Quiney Well-Known Member Club Sponsor

    Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica..?
    Where do they go....?
    Wonder no more....!!!
    It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
    The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow"....
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow"...
     
  19. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

  20. T.C

    T.C Old Hand Club Sponsor

    I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that's it's perfectly normal to shit your pants.

    He's still making fun of me though.
     
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