• Welcome to the new B.I.R.D. Forum. Please be sure to read the "New Member / New Registered ? Please Read" thread in the Coffee Shop. This contains some important information. To become a full member ( £5.90 a year ) simply click on your user name near the top on the right I hope you enjoy the new site ................ Jaws ( John )

Daily Smile thread

T.C

Been there, and had one
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Man came into the shop.

"Can I have m m" So gave him packet of M&Ms

Minute later he comes back "Can I have m m" So gave him another packet.

Comes back again This happens 15 times in a row, "You must really like M&Ms" I said "I have a stutter, all I want is a fucking m m Mars Bar"
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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I got a birthday card and when I opened it a Yorkshire pudding fell out...

It was from Aunt Bessie!
 

Jaws

Corporal CockUp
Staff member
Moderator
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A married matelot went into the confessional and said to his priest,
‘I almost had an affair with a wren.’
‘What do you mean, almost?’ the priest said.
‘Well, on a run ashore, we ended up undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’
The priest said, ‘Rubbing against is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put £50 in the poor box.’
The matelot left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment patted it and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’
‘Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same !
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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I'm on a health kick.

I've decided to stop using the drive-thru at McDonald's!

I'm going to park the car and walk in.
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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Doctor: "Have you been getting enough exercise?"

Me: "Does sex count as exercise?"

Doctor: "Yes."

Me: "No!"
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
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A vertically challenged lady goes to the Dr’s and complains of an itchy fanny.

The dr says lift up your skirt, all she hears is snip snip snip, next day she goes back and it’s a miracle what did you do?

The Dr says I just cut the fur off your ugg boots
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
Boy asks Grandad; Have you seen my pills,they were labelled LSD?

Grandad replies; Fuck the pills,have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
 
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