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ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests.

The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10 minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor told him he would not take the test.

The student asked, “Do you know who I am?”

The prof said, “No and I don’t care.”

The student asked again, “Are you sure you don’t know who I am?”

The prof again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in the middle, then threw the papers in the air.

“Good” the student said, and walked out. He passed.
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.

When they died, God granted all of them one wish.

The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.” God snapped his fingers and it happened.

The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group.

God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically.

By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.

When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
Ideal place for a LOT of you bods on here!!

http://grumpyfuckers.com/coffee-shop-opens-for-non-morning-people/
grumpy-fuckers-coffee-shop.jpg
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
A little nine-year-old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied.

“Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

“Did you throw up?” her mother asked. “Yes,” the little girl replied.

“Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?” “I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy.” the little girl replied.

“They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the sick’.”
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.

The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

“The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.”

“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”

“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”

Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
Next time a woman tries to defend her insane weight gain with, "Well, I've had two children."

Reply with, "For what? Breakfast?"
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
A young couple got married and went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got back home the bride immediately called her mom, who lived three hours away.

“Well, darling,” said her Mom, “How was your honeymoon?”

“It was wonderful, and so romantic. We had a great time,” said the bride, but as soon as we got home he started using really horrible language. Words I have never heard before. Really horrible four-letter words! You’ve got to come get me…PLEASE.”

Then the bride began to sob over the phone. “PLEASE, mom come get me!” begged the bride.

“But honey what did he say, what 4-letter words, you have to tell me what’s troubling you,” said her mom. Still sobbing the bride said to her mother… “Words like…. DUST, IRON, COOK, WASH!”
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of s.x in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He was gorgeous – tall, muscular, and had long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her. He tosses his shirt to her and whispers: “Iron this.”
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

“What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring my customers!


”I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts.” 
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says,

“You idiot! You’re sitting on the mop bucket!”
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. “Of course, my son,” said the priest.

“Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”

“That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest.

“It’s worse than that, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man.

“Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest.

“Thanks, Father,” said the old man.

“That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?”

“Of course, my son,” said the priest.

The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?”
 

ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like ot give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drugs and pursued them to give up drugs forever! I’ll see you here back in court on Monday.”

Monday, the two guys were in court and the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”

“17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?”

“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: o O

And told them this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.”

“That’s very admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?” He said to the second guy.

“Well your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”

“156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that?”

“Well, I also used a diagram with circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, “This is your .sshole before prison…”
 
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ianrobbo1

good looking AND modest
The only cow in a small Iowa town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Wisconsin for $200.

They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wisconsin?” The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Wisconsin.”
 

T.C

Been there, and had one
Club Sponsor
The wife has been missing a week now.

Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back
 
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