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Daily Smile thread
- Thread starter Jaws
- Start date
On the subject of dogs.........
H
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A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, Im not a virgin."
The husband replies, "Thats no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, Ive been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, hes rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "Im hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldnt do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"Hed come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "Im still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldnt do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"Hed come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish hes tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! Im calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
The husband replies, "Thats no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, Ive been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, hes rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "Im hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldnt do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"Hed come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "Im still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldnt do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"Hed come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish hes tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! Im calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
Tiger Woods was driving around in his new Rolls. He stopped at a village shop. Of course the car was noticed by everybody.
He asks the shopkeeper for a few packets of chewing gum. Suddenly he realises he has no money. He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a few coins and a couple of tees. He just had enough money.
Shopkeeper knowing nothing about golf asks what tees are. There for putting your balls on when you are driving.
Wow says shopkeeper Rolls Royce think of everything.
He asks the shopkeeper for a few packets of chewing gum. Suddenly he realises he has no money. He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a few coins and a couple of tees. He just had enough money.
Shopkeeper knowing nothing about golf asks what tees are. There for putting your balls on when you are driving.
Wow says shopkeeper Rolls Royce think of everything.
Quiney
Registered User
The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of
things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's only got a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.
'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.
'Why?', he asks, 'What's the matter?'
'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'
'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow'
'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears..
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways.
As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?' 'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!!!!'
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of
things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's only got a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.
'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.
'Why?', he asks, 'What's the matter?'
'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'
'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow'
'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears..
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways.
As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?' 'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!!!!'
To continue the meander throughThe United Kingdom.........
What on EARTH has she got in her trousers ?
She stuffed them full of pillows or something ??
Have you ever had that sinking feeling.........
https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/football/4877553/manchester-united-scout-iceland-qatar/
https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/football/4877553/manchester-united-scout-iceland-qatar/
